The empathy and support of the larger community is an essential component to healing in grief. At the time of a death, members of the deceased's community come together at a funeral visitation or memorial service to share memories, offer support to the bereaved family and acknowledge their own loss and grief.
We were made for community. We were not made to live in isolation for extended periods of time. (Surely, the COVID-19 pandemic taught us that.) It seems to be wired into our DNA to need contact with other human beings. In the 1970's my mother witnessed what she called "babies in boxes" in orphanages in war-torn Asia. The caregivers did the best they could. There simply were not enough of them to hold and hug each child. The children's needs for shelter, food and drink were met, but the need for human contact could not be met. Sometimes these young children simply turned their faces to the wall and died.
Families are small representations of the larger communities to which we belong such as a community of faith, our town, state, and our nation. Hopefully, in our families we receive not only necessary nutrition and medical care. We are also touched, held, rocked, and hugged. Our socio-emotional needs are met as well as our physical needs. While most of us have been raised believing it is honorable to be independent and self-sufficient, the need for community during a time of grief is great.
Walking alone in grief is like trying to walk with a broken leg without a crutch, a cane, or anyone to lean on. I feel confident saying most of us would never try that. If we broke a leg, we would go to the doctor or hospital, and get the leg cast. We would get extra rest. Friends and family would pitch in to help. They might run errands for us. Perhaps they would do chores for us. Someone would have to drive us to doctor's appointments, and later to physical therapy. We might struggle with these limitations and our dependence on others but we would likely make peace with the situation.
To be bereaved means to be "torn apart" and to have special needs. There is a time to care for others, and there is a time to let others care for you. Bereavement is a time to let others care for you. Grief impacts all aspects of our being - the physical, social, emotional, cognitive and spiritual. We may not like to admit it, but we need other people in the season of grief.
So, surround yourself with the family and friends who really care. Keep close to those who are willing to listen to you tell the story of your loss, even if you need to tell it over and over. Say "yes" to friends who offer to take turns bringing in meals for a while. Call that trusted friend who will let you grieve in your own way for as long as it takes without judging you. Consider attending a support group.
Walking this Journey of Grief will likely be the hardest work you have ever done.
Isn't it good to know you don't have to do it alone?