On Spirituality
C.S. Lewis wrote, “When I lay these (Why?) questions before God, I get no answer, but a rather specific sort of no answer. It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head, not in refusal, but waiving the question, like, “Peace Child. You simply don’t understand.”
What do we mean by “spiritual?” Not everyone is religious, which at its best is an outward expression on an inner spirituality. However, I would propose that all persons are “spiritual.” Certainly, some are more in tune with their spirituality than others. All are created in the image of God who is Spirit. All have certain spiritual needs. I would like to discuss three of them below. (There may be more, but these seem to me to be fundamental.)
The Need for Community
We all long, to some greater or lesser degree, to connect with others and to know that we are not alone.
We are created by God to live in communion with Him and community with others. This need is typically met by family and a community of faith be it church, synagogue or mosque.
It is also met by the clubs and organizations to which we belong, groups that share a common interest and, in times of hardship, support groups.
What people and groups fulfill your need for community?
The Need for Transcendence
We all seek to know that there is Something or Someone greater than ourselves; Something or Someone whose interests
and purposes transcend our concerns and bring order, design and meaning to our existence. This need is typically met by belief in God or another supreme being.
One’s need for transcendence may be met by prophets or great teachers. Still others may find this need satisfied by joining a cause that gives meaning to their lives,
such as environmentalism, or expressions of art and beauty that seem to transcend normal human expression.
How is your need for transcendence met?
The Need for Meaning and Purpose
We all seek to know that our lives have made a difference and our time in this life has meant something meaningful to others.
In the western world this need is often satisfied by our vocation and work-related roles. For some, the need is met by knowing they leave a financial/philanthropic legacy,
heirs to carry on the family name and traditions or similar means. We may find meaning and purpose in serving the needs of others in times of natural disaster.
Or serving those who are without homes, living on the street or in nursing care facilities. Or serving children who need protection from harm or children who need full and
fair access to education.
How is your need for meaning and purpose in this life being met?
What would you like your legacy to be?
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) wrote of SUCCESS, saying, “To laugh often and love much; To win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; To earn the favor of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of friends; To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; To give of one’s self; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a happy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived: This is to have succeeded.”
Spirituality in Seasons of Grief
The spirituality of grief and loss is primarily about finding meaning and purpose in life, both the life of the one who has died and the life that you must now live without him/her. We began by reflecting on C.S. Lewis experience with the “Why” questions. During grief “Why” questions are an expression of protest, disbelief, guilt and many other thoughts and feelings. Usually there are no answers, or at least no answers apart from those found within the soul of the bereaved. These are questions that must be answered through inner reflection and one’s personal belief system, which may be in disarray following a loss. In any case, any answers found will be deeply personal. My answers to your “why” questions are likely to be very unsatisfactory.
At some point we experience a shift from “Why did my loved one die?” to “Why did my loved one live?” As this question is explored, meaning and purpose will likely be articulated. “She made such a positive impact on every student she taught.” “He always put his family first. Family was everything to him.” During this process, precious memories will be unlocked and cherished. You will recognize unique qualities and personality traits of your loved one – things that were most valued by the friends and family who knew him/her best.
Meister Eckhart said, “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice.”
As we make this spiritual journey, moving from “Why did he die?” to “Why did he live?” we discover the legacy our loved one left behind. We embrace more precious memories, now with a mix of both sorrow and gratitude. We share those memories with others. We count our blessings, past and present. In so doing, we experience deep gratitude. We pray, “Thank you,” to the Transcendent One who placed us in supportive community with others, and in Whom we are discovering meaning and purpose, hope and healing. It is the hope that life can still be good even though our loved one is gone. It is the healing of our broken hearts and broken lives.
The grief journey impacts us physically, emotionally, socially, cognitively and spiritually. I hope these reflections lead to a greater understanding of your unique spiritual journey before and after your loss.